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20 Humorous Quotes on Marriage

We have compiled a list of marriage quotes from famous faces across the world, some of which you may recognise, and, others may take you a little by surprise!

Nonetheless these light-hearted quotes are a humorous reflection of marriage that spans across several decades. From well-known singers to philosophers and comedians, here are some of the most memorable marriage quotes. Enjoy!

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him."
-American singer Cher

"Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory."
-Abraham Lincoln

"A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late"
-Singer Frank Sinatra

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats"
-Comedian Woody Allen

"When I get married, I want to be really married"
-Actress Audrey Hepburn

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
-Comedian and actor Groucho Marx

"Adrian Mole's father was so angry that so many people got divorced nowadays. He had been unhappily married for 30 years, why should everybody else get away?”
-Sue Townsend, Author of the famous novel The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
-Physicist Albert Einstein

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution"
-Comedian and actress Mae West

"I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe'"
-Comedian Joan Rivers

"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery."
-Rita Rudner American comedian, writer and actress

"I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack, she wrote for an ambulance"
-Irish comedian Frank Carson

“They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning”
-Actor and director Clint Eastwood

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience”
-Irish authors and play writer Oscar Wilde

"Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage"
-American writer, Ambrose Bierce

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
-Author Jane Austen

"A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores"
-Author Terry Pratchett

"God created sex. Priests created marriage"
-French philosopher Voltaire

"That a marriage ends is less than ideal; but all things end under heaven, and if temporality is held to be invalidating, then nothing real succeeds"
-American author John Updike

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages”
-German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche

Professional advice when you need it most

Here at Crisp and Co solicitors, we understand that much like the above quotes, no relationship between individuals is the same. That’s why we offer a bespoke service tailored to each person’s individual needs.

As specialists who focus on family law, we offer a wide range of services and are located in various areas across London, including Canary Wharf, Hammersmith, Convent Garden and Wimbledon.

Our broad ranges of services include pre-nuptial agreements, living together and same sex relationships to name a few.  If you have any queries about marriage or any other service in relation to family law our team of approachable, friendly individuals will be more than happy to speak to you.

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